The Tattered Toothbrush!

So what's so indispensable, a daily phenomenon, hard and almost a compelling need every morning?

And before your thoughts run amok in the obvious directions, let's take a 'tooth' back. I am ruminating about the brush aka 'the toothbrush' aka 'your first kiss of the morning'. Well, almost!

So this morning happened. Like every other morning. 

I coyly looked at my first important companion, the cell phone. And no this blog is not about it. Not yet. 

It looked back at me with blinking eyes as if whispering,"Buddy, I am starving. Will you feed me some charge?". So I plug it in and voila! It suddenly seems to be so happy to be out of its death bed.

Checking for my 'Good Morning' messages, I could find none. So apparently for this day too, it was all unto me to make it, well, a good morning!

Now it was time for my second best companion, and yes this post is all about it, my toothbrush. I reached out for the holder, only to find something amiss. 

The toothbrush, my second best companion, the tattered statue of liberty, my leaning tower of pisa, my first kiss of every morning - was nowhere to be found! And it dawned on me, that perhaps the inevitable has happened. 

Perhaps, in the hustle bustle of life, a companion has been lost! Perhaps.

But wait, hold on for a minute while I pull you out from this story telling. 

And before you start judging this post by the very 'object' that it wishes to detail, let me try and get your interest back. (Well I know a title with 'The Debonair Dildo' would fetch me more readership, but let's save that for another day for now).

So where were we? Ah, the forgotten tale of the toothbrush! 

So once the realization sets in, I could only fathom the mystery of the disappearing act, the never-said-goodbye, the memory of the soft bristles and a slim hold. They all came back to me and I headed straight for a replacement. I was angered, as for a guy who was just dumped by his beloved! 

Now as someone who minds my own business, I’m used to making difficult decisions. Seriously, I am. However, today I found myself facing one of the most challenging decisions I’ve made in a while. That’s right – to buy a new toothbrush!

Before you laugh again on the dexterity and the compounded mental load this brings about, just consider what a complicated decision it has become to choose a new toothbrush. I spent several minutes pondering, bemused, in the mini supermarket aisle because I couldn’t decide between automatic, semi automatic and manual; white, green and blue, soft and firm; springy head or non-springy head; tongue cleaning or non-tongue cleaning...

What I found particularly funny, other than imagining the sight of me scratching my head infront of the toothbrushes, was some of the marketing on the toothbrush boxes themselves. For example, the toothbrush that I ended up buying (because it was on special offer) was labelled as ‘professional’. Now, what exactly does that mean – can I call myself a professional tooth brusher? 

And if I could, where could I possibly flaunt this newly acquired degree. An asylum?

There seems little justification for being awarded this title. Surely I should have attended a training course, passed an exam and been presented with a certificate before achieving such an important honour?

Having graciously accepted this title (by agreeing to pay Rs 75), I wonder whether it’s time for me to update my CV to include “professional tooth brusher?” Perhaps I could also include the fact that I do a ‘professional’ job of wiping my own backside too? (though I do say so myself!)

But I truly believe the toothbrushes are, as a matter of fact, very important piece of your life. Consider the following arguments in favor:

• It can make your life miserable. Don't believe me? Try giving it a miss one day and kiss your girlfriend. I bet you two bottles of listerine that you will come back to read this post seriously!

• A toothbrush can identify the mysterious people in your household. Simple math, if the no. of folks in the house is less than the no. of toothbrushes that you have...time to dial 911/100 depending on where you live.

• For all the ladies out there; and this one is so true and tested, you ought to swear by this - If a guy is willing to leave his toothbrush at your place, you damn well marry that bloke.

• It is always better to keep an eye on the future. As you grow old, you won't brush your teeth, you'll rather count them. So why not pay some attention to the little friend now, eh?

All said and done, I found my new companion, a shiny new toothbrush, with an advanced feature set to take the relationship to a new level. And I just walked out of the store, only to feel wonderful that as long as it can help me stay truthful to my teeth, they won't be false to me.

And the music played in the background. 

"Brush it top, brush it down, brush your teeth all around. 

 Somethings lost and somethings found.

 Pretty little joy we expound."

Wait, where the heck is my toothpaste now? The music stops and the feeling starts all over again!

 - V!K$