The Bihari Paradox!!!

This is no story. No poetry. No rhetoric. No literature. What follows is a thought...an aftermath of what's happening with the so called Biharis (okkay generically speaking the "uttar bharatiyas") leading to a retrospect of my own self. Just that. Think about it. Well I did a lot!!

I am a non-believer of nationality or for that matter sub-nationalism. Patriotism for me seems to be a vague term invented to validate the lines drawn on this piece of planet we dwell in.A work of art of a very narrow minded person who failed to see the bigger picture!! But thats another philosophy of mine. Let's leave that apart!

Okkay so lets bring in some patriotism inside...jus' for the sake of writing this post...Yes I feel it now...I am an Indian...first and foremost ( though I would rather prefer a sense of belonging to this universe as a whole).

Well that wudn't make an interesting post...So lets start it with the tag..I am a BIHARI!!!....Well I was born one...that is one of the cornerstones of my existence. Though I really flip the bird and moon at it!

So where could this Bihari could have headed 6 years ago, given the current scenario....I was simply thinking!

---stayed on in Bihar...shot dead by one of the extremist groups on caste basis??

---Migrated to Gujarat as a Poor Muslim..Butchered??

---Killed in Assam insurgency??

---Kashmir..now cumm'on...that can't even support its native folks!!!

---or an illiterate immigrant labour trying to meet his ends in Maharashtra....thrashed within inches of his life for doing that!!

Luckily I am here..shut down emotinally and mentally in a cubicle...after a descent technical education and a job to suffice my current needs.I agree....an engineer has no such sub-nationalism...an IT engineer..even more so...after all we all are slaves of Uncle SAM n company and he doesn't differentiate a Bihari from a Marathi Manoos a But the question still remains..what iff!!

A common misconception about Bihari students has been that: He is good for only two things. He can be a good student, religiously toiling away, burning midnight oil and whatnot, score high and ultimately steal white collar jobs from the local population of the city he decides to settle in OR He can be a bloody gunda, eve-teasing, politicizing, intimidating and bullying, rambunctious as hell, the root of all evil.

But there is also a third kind, like Me...decent law abiding, harmless creatures...who do not spit, do not study ; do not eve-tease, do not pray at the drop of a hat; do not create ruckus, do not fade away in silence!!

The munificent compliments that I receive on account of my being fairly fluent in the English language (*With excerpts from mine as well as my friends' experiences that has also been blogged before) , or due to the absence of the accent which every Bihari is supposedly born with, or (and this is the best of all) my uncanny un-bihari looks ( what the hell is a bihari supposed to look like ? Dark, emaciated, hair dripping with mustard oil, or what? I mean WTF! ) :-

1. You don’t look like to you are from Bihar – Me: I underwent plastic surgery OR Why is that? Do Biharis have horns on their heads? OR I am a Punjabi who was born in Mumbai; my parents were averse to the rich cosmopolitan culture of that great city, so they relocated.

2. Your English is too good for a Bihari – Well, is that so?? I am sorry; my parents forced me to go an English medium school, which unfortunately had decent teachers.

3. You don’t sound like a Bihari, you don’t speak with an accent - Me: Speech therapy? Larynx transplant? Accent training? My answer depends on the dumbness of the questioner .

4. The way you cuss and swear, it is not very Bihari - Ohh boy...You shud hear me out..I curse, in my best Bihari.

5. Sir, aap Bihar se hain, lagta nahi hai (Sir, It doesn’t seem that you are from Bihar). This one came from a junior who was in my college to I : Me- An expression of incredulity and bewilderedness on my contorted face, mentally hurling abuses at him , and a really big WTF , when I was alone .

6. Man, you should be the Brand Ambassador of Bihar, given that you are so different from the average bumpkin: Hell Yeah. Why not? Moron!

7.Offshoot of # 2 -A Lady, in a train journey, to me – I am an English professor, have heard a lot of Biharis making a mince out of the Queen’s language, but not you - Me: When I was young my mother burned a Webster, a Wren n Martin and a few of the Classics, dissolved the ashes in the holy water from Thames and made me drink it. This is a tried and tested technique; it has worked for my sister as well. (Do not attempt this at home!)

8.Another Offshoot of # 2 - Do they have English schools in Bihar? ( An interviewer to my friend, apparently surprised at his command of the English language ) - Me(Had I been there) : No, I went to Eton for my schooling, and then I came back to India to complete my education , you JACK*** !

Maybe I should blush coyly and express my gratitude the next time somebody says something like the aforementioned. The Bihari Paradox is still unanswered!!!

With these words...the BIHARI in me has vented out his feelings....Control back to Mr. Vik$..the familiar weirdo!!!:)

---A Bihari has signed off!!!!!!